#i can't remember what quotes I've used before anymore

[incorrect-ffix-quotes]

Blank: I'm not mean, name one mean thing I've done.

Zidane: When we were younger, you convinced me eggs weren't real.

Blank: They're not.

Zidane: Haha, very funny.

Blank: I'm serious. Didn't you hear?

Zidane: No, what happened?

Blank: Why would you fall for that again?

[cherryinsalemverse]

Jason Todd/Reader FIC RECS

If it is in red then it is smut. I selected a few but if you like it check the writers blog please!

Just Friends by @makethatelevenrings “How on earth are we going to convince your family, the greatest detectives in the world, that we’re a couple?”

Dickpic!Jason x Reader (on going series) by @dxckgrxsonx He still has the habit of stashing food. Back in the manor he remembers hoarding non perishables, and remembers slipping food into his little pockets when no one was looking. He was young and still waiting for the other shoe to drop, still waiting for the moment that Bruce changed his mind, convinced that his time in that home was limited. (I've been wating for 2 years to read more of this and lemme tell you I'd wait a thousand more. When I'm old and have dementia, struggling to remember my children and grandchildren I WILL remember this fic; quote it if needed and yap about it in god-knows-which-language. Even if you don't like smut just check it for your own good! It is not like modern smut (porn w/o plot)! There is depth, there is longing, there is slowburn (it burns so good tho) THIS IS ART I TELL YOU! When future generations study literature they'll study this and wanna be us whom been so lucky to be born just in the right time to read it!! Omfg I fucking love it pls do yourselves a favor and just read it!

You're in love with me, ew by @lightwing-s "You're in love with me” you blurted out in awe “And you have a crush on me, ew!"

Let's Fuck Up The Friendship by @igotanidea What kind of fool falls for his best friend?

If You Want Me, You Have Me by @deadrobinthoughts “no.” he took a slow step forward, shaking his head, a mix of disbelief and frustration in his expression. “no, we’re not brushing past that. you think i want someone else?”

Nice And Slow by @sobbingscripter No reason." Jason hums quietly. "I just saw a bloodstain that reminded me of you, so I ended patrol a little earlier."

Blink And You'll Miss It by @reds-hoodies -you waited your whole life to meet your soulmate and damn if you’re just going to let him slip through your fingers.

Who Needs Heaven? by @mostly-imagines “...This hasn’t happened…” You frown at that, tilting your head. “What do you mean?” He breathes out heavy, “I think I’m dreaming.” 

I Have A Door, Y'know by @vacate-et-scire “No, but I nearly missed swinging my lamp at your head.” You crossed your arms, glaring. “I have a door.”

Outgoing Call by @dickgraysonisnothereforthis “Yeah. Yeah, read it to me. Actually, wait. How long is it? How many lines?” There’s silence as the perp counts. “Four.” “Four?!” you shriek. “Four?! That dumb motherfucker ended a four month relationship in four lines of text?”

Late Night Talks by @jjenthusee (you can also find it on AO3) “Don’t remind me, I was delirious from blood loss.” Jason winced at the memory. “Not my best moment.”

Worried by @weneeya He left you alone in your apartment before he left for his night patrol. So why weren’t you here anymore? Where were you?

Idiot Boyfriend by @randomasfuk “You wanna leave me? Fine, I guess, but can you at least tell me why you left? What did I do? You can’t possibly think I didn’t care because I—” You paused, the words catching in your throat. “You know what? Forget it.”

Firends Who Kiss! by @ebodebo "I think...just a small kiss won't hurt. Right?" 

Anything&Everything (in literal sense) by @heavysighing-dreamyeyes I'm curently blocked so I can't quote anything but you should have to check it out! They are my fav blog rn.

@ghostybat as far as I know she doesn't do fanfiction but hell do I love her blog?! They post amazing art and fun to talk to!

@hecate-hollow I just can't not mention them! They are funny also has great ideas/opinions!!

If you came this far hear me out for a sec! I go in and out of fandoms randomly so I never been an active member in any of them. Maybe you are like me and hadn't had the chance to learn that we should support by commenting and reposting. Liking posts sometimes is not enough so please reblog as much as you can when you want to support your writter!!

(If wanted to get off tags let me know!)

[zaundads]

Ultimate Zaundads Quote guides

All the important Zaundads Quotes

I was reading this post on iconic couple quotes and I realized that this is kinda hard for Zaundads considering they have like two scenes where they actually talk to each other. So it's hard not to do "well, just everything". Still, here are all the best ones, highlightes for my faves.

"I trusted you. And you betrayed me."

"I'll show you what you really are."

"I hated you, but you kept my respect."

"I hated you for what you'd done. But as time passed, so did my hate. "

"What I did to you… I've never forgiven myself."

"Greatest thing we can do in life is find the power to forgive."

"What's the point if we can't raise an ankle biter or two?"

"We shared a vision, Vander. A dream of freedom. Not just for the Lanes, but the whole of the underground, united as one. The nation of Zaun. Do you even remember?"

"I had no choice." - "Perhaps. But now you do. Shimmer. We have the power. We can finally realize our dream,"

"Silco. Let her go. This is between you and me." - "You had your chance."

"You'd die for the cause, but you won't fight for one? "

"I knew you still had it in you."

"Ever wonder what it's like to drown? Story of opposites. There's peace in water. Like it's holdin' you, whisperin' in low tones to let it in. And every problem in the world will fade away. But then there's this thing… …in your head, and it's raging. Lighting every nerve with madness. To fight. To survive. And all the while, this question lingers before you: "Have you had enough?" It's funny. You could pass a lifetime without ever facing a choice like that. But it changes you forever. For that, I thank you… old friend."

"Oh, it all makes sense now, brother."

"A thousand times I've imagined this moment. Never like this. All we ever wanted."

"You hear that, Bozo 2? We made it. We're done. Oh, you're sadly mistaken. I'm Bozo 1."

"I've looked everywhere, but… it's clear you don't wanna be found. God, I'm shit at this. I'm sorry. When she died, I lost my head. I told myself what I did to you was for the greater good, that you deserved it. But the dirt was on both our hands. Anyway, you know where to find me. Blisters and bedrock. V."

"If he found this, everything might have been different."

Bonus "indirect quotes"

"Benzo, stay back. […] Wait!" (Vander not wanting Benzo to attack Silco)

"We had nothing. You know what bore us through those times? Loyalty. Brothers and sisters back-to-back against whatever the world threw at us. Now I'm forced to share the air with parasites like you, who leach off their legacies."

"Tonight a harebrained scheme these two bozos cooked up to turn a dank crack in the earth into a thriving, healthy community became a reality."

"He isn't a monster. He was once a man. Well respected, at that. Victim of great tragedy. He had a ferocious will to live. An incredible tolerance for pain. With him, I was able to make strides impossible with any other specimen. But the mind... The mind I could not recover. The man forever lost in the bowels of the beast, compelled only by the scent of blood. Or so I thought. It now seems I had yet to uncover the right catalyst. S: Blisters and bedrock." (Singed in 2x05, followed by Warwick's nightmare of Silco)

"I saw your father. His dream of your family and vision of Zaun as it could have been, it was… beautiful." (Viktor about Vander in 2x08)

"So there's a chance for us yet." (Silco to Vander in 2x07)

Merchant: "This is vile." Vander: "You'll learn to love it." (Vander about Zaunite tobacco)

"There's worse things than enforcers out there." (Vander about ?? Silco? Other Zaunite criminals? )

"Fear haunts us all, child." (Silco about ?? The dreams he has about Vander drowning him?)

"Betrayal, that pain that feels like it'll eat you from the inside out,"

"You two are gonna figure this Zaun thing out. I don't care if you have to carve it out of the bedrock, covered in blisters. You're not allowed to fail anymore."

"Nearly forgot. I ran into an old friend of yours. He had some stories. You weren't always the peacekeeper, were you? - Yeah, well, you can't escape the past. Right?"" (Marcus and Vander about Silco)

"You told me a million times. [...] Blah, blah, blah [...]" (Jinx complaining about just how often Silco talks about Vander)

"Silco thinks he made Jinx, with all his rants and his hard-won lessons. "Excise your doubts, Jinx." "Be what they fear, Jinx." Like everything was the same as when Vander left him."

Did I forget any? What is your ultimate Silco and Vander quote?

Bonus:

Full dialogue of selected scenes under the cut:

Silco and Vander in 1x03: S: It's a little crude, I'll admit. The base violence necessary for change. But we both know topside won't listen to anything else. V: Even with your monsters, you won't win a war against Piltover. S: I don't have to. I just need to scare them. They won't dare set foot in the underground again. V: You'll get people killed. For what? Pride? S: For respect. Opportunity. Everything they've denied us. V: You had my respect. The Lanes' respect, but that… that was never enough for you. S: We shared a vision, Vander. A dream of freedom. Not just for the Lanes, but the whole of the underground, united as one. The nation of Zaun. Do you even remember? I trusted you. And you betrayed me. V: What I did to you… I've never forgiven myself. You were my brother. S: No, you still don't understand. Can you imagine what it's like? When your blood mixes with the filth and the river toxins eat through your nerves. Oh, I hated you for what you'd done. But as time passed, so did my hate. And I was left with an understanding. The only way to defeat a superior enemy is to stop at nothing. To become what they fear. I hated you, but you kept my respect. Until you made peace with them. Played lapdog after everything we suffered. V: I had no choice. S: Perhaps. But now you do. Shimmer. We have the power. We can finally realize our dream, brother. V: Look at what you've done. Benzo. These kids. In fighting topside, you'd sacrifice everything that we are. It's not the way. Can't you see that? kill me if you have to, but please spare the Lanes. S: You'd die for the cause, but you won't fight for one? V: I'm just… not that man anymore. S: I'll show you what you really are.

Jinx and Silco 1x05:

S: I almost drowned in these waters. J: You told me a million times. S:Vander wasn't the man you thought he was. J: Right, he was like a brother to you, and he turned his back and blah, blah, blah. Did I miss anything? S: I've got a new one for you. That day, I let a weak man die. And another was reborn. Betrayal, that pain that feels like it'll eat you from the inside out, can either break you or forge you into something greater. You need to let Powder die. So the fear of pain will no longer control you. You're strong now. Just like you were always meant to be. Jinx is perfect.

Silco vs Chembarons 1x07: Have you forgotten where we came from? The mines they had us in? Air so thick it clogged your throat. Stuck in your eyes. But I pulled you all up from the depths. Offered you a taste of topside. And fresh air. I gave you life. Purpose. But you've grown fat and complacent. Too much time in the sun. We came from a world where there was never enough to go around, Finn. That is why we fight. Do you remember?

Silco vs Finn 2x09: S: I'm busy. F: When you took Vander out of play, I thought, "Now here's a man who understands what it takes to run an enterprise." The attitude, the instinct, the eye. The whole package, you were. Always two steps ahead. But time's lapped you, old man. S: You're with him, are you? F: You screwed up, Silco. S: You're too young to remember what the undercity was before it became an "enterprise".We had nothing. You know what bore us through those times? Loyalty. Brothers and sisters back-to-back against whatever the world threw at us. Now I'm forced to share the air with parasites like you, who leach off their legacies. F: Today's the day you die, Silco. S: That's a risk I've known all my life. But I still believe in loyalty.

Silco at the Vander statue: S: A thousand times I've imagined this moment. Never like this. All we ever wanted. The boy didn't even haggle. And what do I lose but problems? Oh, it all makes sense now, brother. Is there anything so undoing as a daughter?

Vander, SIlco and Felicia in 2x05:

V: What's the occasion? F: Hmm. Can't a lady just be in the mood for a familiar song? V: Not this lady, and not this song. F: Tonight a harebrained scheme these two bozos cooked up to turn a dank crack in the earth into a thriving, healthy community became a reality. V: Tonight, eh? You hear that, Bozo 2? We made it. We're done. S: Oh, you're sadly mistaken. I'm Bozo 1. V: A night of revelations. F: I'm knocked up. A girl. V: How do you know? F: Mm. Wasn't really part of my plan, but guess that's everything when you're living week to week. V: What did Connol say? F: I haven't told him. Working up the nerve. I don't know anything about kids. I get sweaty being alone with one. V: Hey, you're gonna be a great mother. F: Shut up. I'm not ready for that. I started trying to come up with a name, and it hits me that this one word is a decision she's gonna live with her whole life. I can't protect her from all the shit down here and work out how to be a parent at the same time. Then I realized, I don't have to. V: Hmm? Why's that? F: Because the second I told you, I put you on the hook. You two are gonna figure this Zaun thing out. I don't care if you have to carve it out of the bedrock, covered in blisters. You're not allowed to fail anymore. For her. For me. V: What's the point if we can't raise an ankle biter or two? S: To Zaun, then. Blisters and bedrock. V: Blisters and bedrock. I've always liked the name Violet.

[jeahreading]

Year-End Moots Post

@glorfie394 - Honestly, i don't think i need to say much other than the fact that you were probably one of the very few people I consider my best friends irl. We've been talking less and less and I really hope we can talk more this year.

@1indigoisles You used to say that I shouldn't consider you a good friend because we haven't even known each other for a year. Well now it's been more than that, so we should also be really good friends, while we didn't talk for most of this year that's only because of academics and I can't promise it won't happen again but I really REALLY want to talk more with you, even if I take time responding once in a while.

@pb-dot - quoted from you, last year "You and I seem to mostly pass as ships in the night, but sometimes the distant sound of a foghorn can be just the thing, to torture the metaphor a little" Honestly you were the first blog I sent an ask to and your clockwork boy amazed me to bits, we're still ships but maybe not so much in the night anymore, dusk?

@mycatisatool - I still remember how we talked last year just a few days before New Year's and how I ranted to you, a random person. Talking to you has never and will never feel foreign, I hope we remain friends or even acquaintances for many more years to come!

@joytri I'm not sure what I should say except the fact that YOU'RE SO AESTHETIC, omg I wish i was even close to how pretty your blog and posts are dffsnbsjdhjf I so wish i could by your stationary T_T.

@chichihuahua1413 - MY SISTER FROM ANOTHER MISTER, nobody can convince me that we AREN'T twins separated at birth. UGH, I wish I had come to that gathering it's been SO LONG SINCE WE'VE MET. Wow, can you believe we've known each other for 9 years now?? seems absolutely surreal.

@clarablightt - we met unexpectedly and I am SO glad we did, we didn't talk much at first but now when we do I am happy the whole day. Sometimes we talk for hours and it feels like minutes, I wish you all the happiness in this world and someday we're gonna meet istg

@owlsandwich - O yem GEE, even though many years separate us talking to you has never felt that way, you talk with a young soul if that makes any sense, and of course, you being absolutely adorable doesn't help. Heard somewhere that pets represent their owner and seeing Miss Zero, you both seem carefree and loving. I hope you have the best year ever!!!!

@fangirlghost-19 - Found your blog in the most detective way possible hihi, but so glad I did, you're absolutely amazing and you just have that pizzazz not everyone has!

@shua-f4lmings Started talking to you because I really wanted to talk to someone who likes skz, no regrets, I am in LOVE with your aesthetic, that blog change was ICONIQUE.

@baxieblur-turnip Heyyyyyyyy we met on chance and babe that hexagone is hexagoning so hard, we need to talk more frrr

@ek-ajnabee-haseena hamari jugalbandi honi zaruurat hain!! we should sing because i just know it's gonna be so freaking good!

@hxart-of-thx-ocxan - bestie so aesthetic i quacking in my boots, looking at your blogs makes me want to float away on a boat into the ocean and never look back again 🤤🤤

@book-girl4evaaa - I'm pretty sure we first talked because I thought you were desi but you are AMAZING all the same, seeing you talk about the heather is adorable asf and you're fashion sense makes me jealous 😭😭

@dinnerbug - saw you on my side and you actually genuinely intrigued me so much I followed you and honestly you are one of my most curious mutuals. I'm pretty sure I once sent an ask to you telling you to drink less coca cola lmaoo

@zeherili-ankhein - CHINIIII!!!!!! top 3 best persons i've met on this app fr, the mark of true and honest friendship is that we KNOW we disagree on many things but that does NOT stop us from being such close friends, i don't think you realise how badly i want to be irl friends with you istg 😭😭

@no--net - If someone asked me one thing I wanted for you, I'd wish you could understand bangla, i just know I would recommend SO MANY feluda and byomkesh bakshi. 😫😫

@paloma-ascends-into-hellfire - I don't quite remember why we started following each other but I glad we did all the same, my first thought seeing you was literally that one song by Paris Paloma, solely because of the name, which btw hold you high HIGH in my mind!! Wish you the absolute BEST year ahead!

@anonymouse-is-here We haven't talked much but YOU'RE SO ADORABLE!!!! And also your blog is just 🤌🤌

@im-on-crack-send-help CHOTIIII!!!! you're like the sister i never had and i will kill to have 😀🔪. You should really be on less crack and more happiness cuz you deserve it :D. Also beware at night because I will come to you house to steal your eyes and hair and wardrobe, beware.......... ily uwu<3

@telugu-girl-13 - Honestly you're going to be the 2nd reason why I read pjo. You're blog gives me old b&w vibes and it's just top tier imo <3 adorable kwnekjfrnkjnr

@inhachoi0901 - we need to meet more often cuz YASS talking to you is so freaking fun, we also need to like sing together!<33(you also need to tell what shampoo you use)

@mi-stress-of-chaos - you're blog 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇 teach me how to be aeshtetic like you sensei. Also, I'm grabbing a bucket and taking the stress far FAR away from you. you need a vacation i swear<33

@shadowseductress - omg you're like really beautiful, like beautiful like I'm gonna start singing apsara aali and then promptly trip and fall on my face, you're so badass ngl i kinda idolize you 😀😀😭.

@shinchansbitch - you need a shiro in your life, one that talks fr. You're weird but like the really fucking awesome kinda weird. I need tips from you, we need to sit down and you need to tell me your autobiography babe.

@no-idea-where-i-am-lost - Oh my god you're like dangerously adorable, like i need to put orange traffic cones around you, when you and @wulfricnavy get married invite me to the wedding, ashirvaad aur atta dono deke jaoongi.(cutie pie cutie cutie pieeeeeeeeeeeeee)

@natures-marvel - Solving that scavenger hunt with you was so freaking fun!!!!! you're amazing to to talk to and I think we have an mutual want for episode three 😭😭😭

@ineffable-bastard - You're so cool omg, LOVE that fact that your hair always a different colour and please NEVER stop tagging me you're like my no.1 source of tag games and tag games are a straight path to love <33

@hellincarnation - honestly in terms of you, i just don't know what to say, you are kind, you are sweet, you care, you are cute and adorable and with just the correct amount of spice, you're like god's perfect recipe, we met late in the year but it's like we've knows each other for years, getting to know you made ,my year infinitely better and holy shit i just want to minimize you put you in a jar and carry you around with me everywhere, you're an A+ dipshit but also a brother, please take care of yourself and keep showing up so that we can fight more.<333

@mireyaaaaaaaaa - you're not just a ray of sunshine you're the whole freaking sun, you're like and endless energy reserve(stop hogging all the energy give us peasants some!!), you love book and I love book, and now I love you<333. Let's interact more this next year, and all the very best for your 10th you will do well I just know it!!

@fujimomozane - I'm pretty sure we haven't talked yet but, you're always there, for that I thank you(psst you afk art gives me life<33)

@your-reluctant-optimist - you, I'm gonna put you in a little terrarium and I'm going to keep your pocket sized everything in my pocket<3333333333333333

@randomx123 - Dada !! Your art is just *chef's kiss 🤌🤌🤌* and the durga pujo at your house is "bhalobasha", this year we didn't talk very much but whenever you're on my dash I always get happy :D. Don't worry shob kichu bhalo jabe, relax and keep doing what you think is best 😁😁.

@hj-lives-on - yo! i don't think we've talked about anything relevant lmao, but i will say good music taste and let's like, talk about things that are...normal :D

@lyrebirb - You are ADORABLE period. i need to know more about you i swear you are utterly fascinating, we should 100% talk more please!!!<3

@androgynous-bhajipav - i can't believe we became such good friends in this short time!?? Payneland brought together and our dymanic kept us together<33

@mersinia - Us meeting was the best coincidence of this year lmao, the amount of tumblr things we have in common is baffling, we REALLY need to talk more.

@shubhadeep385 - Gave me gangster vibes from the beginning and turns out i was right 😂. But you're also an older brother, like fr. In the proper sense lmao, you told me to never trust boys and also told me the boy I have a crush on is *chomu*, if this isn't proper bhai behaviour i dunno what is. Take care of yourself next bochor, I'm always there 😁😁.

@sittininthepoopchair - I also saw you on my side blog and your adorable ass dad vibes were just too adorable for me to ignore. I might not be your target or comfortable audience but you're absolutely amazing and Seeing you talk about your kids always has been smiling <3.

I'm soo sorry if I missed anyone, but if you are someone I missed just know I love you I love your blog you are adorable as fuck and HAVE THE BEST NEW YEAR EVER!!!!!<3333333

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

[lacunammmm]

Hello! I recently saw your reaction to a poll about which ships in MHA you don't like and you had very interesting answers and depth into some in particular... Hawks.

You said, and I won't quote because I frankly can't remember, that Hawks would be a much better character if he actually had more development/nuance to him and I wanted to know how? And why you think his character isn't as nuanced and/or developed as of now?

I'm a large Hawks fan myself, and I was super interested in seeing your opinion, since I've never seen somebody say he needed more development, would you care to share some of your thoughts?

Let's take a look at the bones behind Hawks:

-Child of a villain.

-Was an abused child by his domestic abuser dad.

-A child soldier molded to be the perfect secret agent and hero by the government.

-He's basically in the Japanese CIA.

-He's immensely powerful and also likes Endeavor, who he has a parasocial relationship with because he admired him as a father figure.

-He killed a guy in an incredibly contrived scene (he could have simply drugged Twice before the operation began and spirited him away) but it raised an interesting question: Should heroes kill? And under what circumstances should they do so?

-Dabi bathed him in blue fire after he killed Twice and Tokoyami reacted that his wings were burnt off.

So what's the story do with him?

He just becomes an Endeavor cheerleader.

The HPSC gets killed off by a clone of Redestro, meaning the good guys don't ever have to confront the government at all.

His burnt wings recovered and the worst that happened is he needed some prosthetic blades, which functioned just as good as his original feather swords. Was this man crippled for his future fight against All For One? No.

When he sees Twice again on the battlefield, he yells that they should kill him, showing he's exactly the same as he was the day he killed the guy.

And he doesn't give a single blue fuck about Endeavor being a domestic abuser. He knows the true story, and he simply doesn't care.

This is the same for all of the good guy characters, but Hawks especially experienced an abusive dad.

The guy he idolized turned out to be like his dad, except a hero and not a villain.

And he doesn't care. Have you ever seen the show Law And Order? I want you to imagine how the cops on that show would react if one of the hero cops they've worked with for years was outed as a domestic abuser. There would be an angry confrontation, some hurtful words thrown around, and a fracturing of relationships. Permanent changes to how these people see each other, with different people taking sides. Friction that would spread far beyond just this one event. Instead we get...nothing, I guess, because Endeavor feels sorry for what he did, so it's okay now.

The question of when and if you should kill a villain isn't answered by Hawks or people connected to him. It's answered by Gran Torino. We learn that killing is another way of saving someone if they're too far gone, which Deku apparently takes to heart.

What's worse is that Nagant exists. She took the last bit of intrigue Hawks' character could have had.

I firmly agree with @class1akids that an arc where Hawks fell and joined the villains fits a lot better than inventing a new character out of whole cloth, and then inventing a government conspiracy of the previous regime to go with her, and then this never going anywhere.

Imagine, if you will, a universe where everything is played straight. Tomura decays Endeavor during their battle, so he's dead.

Dabi truly did burn off Hawks' wings entirely, so those are gone.

And in the chaos that follows, the public despairs and wants someone to blame. So, the HPSC uses a scapegoat.

And that person ends up being Hawks. The guy who planned the raid. The guy who spied on the villains. And, according to the government the reason for the heroes' failures.

He's useless to them now because he doesn't have his quirk anymore. And he's reeling from the reveal of who Endeavor actually was.

So at his lowest moment, stripped of his hero license and his legacy tarnished, All For One appears.

It works even better if you merge the elements of Nagant's character into this version of Hawks.

Hawks was a secret agent who assassinated numerous people on the HPSC's orders. Hawks believed in the system and while he had some doubts, this event completely destroyed his faith.

We can also accomplish something else, here. AFO could test a beta version of the rewind drug the Doctor made on Hawks, which restores his wings to the point they were at in canon after Dabi burned them. It 1, gives Hawks his iconic wings back in a plausible way, and 2, foreshadows All For One's endgame desperation move. The audience just isn't told what Hawks was injected with until the final war arc.

And then he gifts the guy with the same quirk Nagant had. And sends him to capture Deku.

Now suddenly this battle against Deku actually means something and it's between two people who know each other and who the audience has a connection to.

How, then, does Deku restore Hawks' faith in heroes when it's been shattered so terribly? A true test of Deku's abilities to understand villains and turn them. He doesn't have the easy win he got against Nagant, but the fact that he knows Hawks means he has more information to work off of.

The reveal that Hawks is no more than a contract killer for the government while having a happy, smiling face in public is a train car to the gut for Deku.

You can still end the fight with a fakeout, as the story loved to do at that time.

After he decides to switch back to team Deku, he has a bad reaction from the drug and collapses and is apparently dead.

We just bring him back later like they did to Nagant. He got saved offscreen. You know, like how Nagant survived exploding.

Heaven forbid we kill off anyone loyal to team hero.

[purpleheartskies]

Robby is the underdog - Part 7

In s6e5, the leitmotif for Daniel's kk1 win against Johnny was used for Robby's captaincy win against Miguel.

(Watch with sound. Credit to another Robby fan who pointed this out to me and created this video.)

"A leitmotif is a repeating melodic phrase in music that is used to represent a character, setting, emotion, or theme. The intentional use of music as a means of communicating character, tone, or theme is a leitmotif." "The leitmotif has proven particularly effective in film scores as a means of creating continuity, heightening the drama and building an emotional connection between characters and the audience.

The fact that the leitmotif for Daniel's (first) win against his bully in kk1 is used for Robby's (first) win against his bully blatantly indicates that Robby is the underdog and Karate Kid of this story. This is more evidence that Robby is the Daniel in this kk story and Miguel is the Johnny.

It's important to note that when Miguel won the s1 avt final against Robby, no leitmotif was played when he won the match and was handed the trophy. Right before his win, an ominous motif was played, indicating that the win wasn't good. After he's handed the trophy and asked to speak, the shot slowly zoom's in on Johnny and starts playing his leitmotif in Cobra Kai (called Father and Son), because his focus was on Robby and his loss. This "win" for Johnny was a major loss in their relationship. In the s4 avt final, a triumphant motif was used for Eli's win, while a more melancholy one was used for Tory's win / Sam's loss.

No kid who has won a trophy so far had gotten the kk1 leitmotif for Daniel's win until Robby did in s6e5.

During the tournament in s1e10, Daniel approached Robby in the locker room and spoke to him about the "need" to find balance:

Robby: "I just wanted to get back at him [Johnny]." Daniel: "I know. But you're never going to find balance that way. You can't let that bad blood change who you are. I'm not saying you need to like the guy. I know I never will, but he... he is your father. And believe me, you're lucky to have one. You just gotta try to remember, he's... he's not a monster. He's just a guy with a lot of demons. Mr. Miyagi always told me there's no such thing as a bad student, only a bad teacher. And your dad had the worst teacher there ever was. It sent him down a wrong path. But you don't have to go down that path. Do you understand? You don't have to ever become him. Trust me. You let go of all that anger, and I guarantee you, no matter what happens tonight, you go home feeling great."

In kk1 tournament, during his conversation with Miyagi in the locker room, Daniel talked about his need to find balance.

Daniel: "Can you fix my leg with that thing you do?" Miyagi: "No need fight anymore. You proved a point." Daniel: "What? That I can take a beating? Every time I see those guys, they'll know they got the best of me. I'll never have balance that way, not with them, not with Ali... ...not with me."

Both Daniel and Robby are injured in these scene because a Cobra Kai had injured each of them during their semi-final fight and got disqualified for it. Both Daniel and Robby were then automatically given the semi-final win and were supposed to fight their bully, the main Cobra, in the final. (In my Robby is the underdog - Part 1.5 post, I go over some more of parallels between s1 Robby and kk1 Daniel in their respective avts and that Miguel had already been set up as the bully and Robby as the underdog going into the tournament.)

Both of their mentors had also told them that they didn't have to continue the tournament but both of them insisted that they wanted to. Daniel said what I've quoted above. Robby said, "Yes, I do. I'm going to have to face him sooner or later. Might as well be today."

Miyagi's original lesson to Daniel about balance was this:

"Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?"

In s6e5, Robby was losing the match, until he found balance when Tory arrived.

During the tournament in kk1, when Daniel was fighting to win a spot in the semis, Miyagi told Daniel: "Remember your defense. Points coming. Concentrate. Focus power. Remember balance. Make good fight."

During Robby's final match in the s1 avt, Daniel told Robby, "Breathe. Focus. Find your balance."

In his captaincy match, Robby was fighting offensively until he found balance, then he switched to mainly defense and won.

Interestingly, in the s4 avt, Daniel had at first told Eli something similar to what Miyagi had told Daniel in the kk1 tournament: "Concentrate, defense, focus, power. You find your balance, and those points will come."

However, after Eli told Daniel that Robby knows Miyagi-do better and Robby had scored one point on Eli, Daniel told Eli to fight using Cobra Kai and to put Robby on defense. This means that Robby was relying more on Miyagi-Do to fight, while Eli was relying more on Cobra Kai and won the tournament primarily using Cobra Kai teachings, despite representing Miyagi-Do. Eli didn't rely on having balance to win. He won by channeling his anger into fighting. It wasn't a real/pure Miyagi-Do victory.

Daniel had given up on Miyagi's teachings pretty quickly in order to secure the win in the s4 avt. Robby in turn still believes in and follows those teachings. In fact, his balance was off during his match with Eli because Robby had adopted "no mercy" while fighting Kenny and that had affected Robby greatly especially when he saw Kenny and had the realization that Cobra Kai wasn't helping him with his need to find balance.

In his captaincy match, he still relied on those Miyagi-Do lessons and teachings about balance. After he was able to find balance, he won the captaincy match primarily using Miyagi-Do. His win secured him the spot as the male captain, representative, and potential champion for Miyagi-Do in the final tournament in the series. His win was also celebrated using the OG Karate Kid leitmotif for winning by finding balance.

The overall theme of the series is about finding balance not just in karate, but in life as well.

“You remember lesson about balance? Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life. Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?”

In my post Robby is the protagonist, I describe the role the protagonist plays in the story. One signifier of the protagonist is that the theme of the story is told primarily through their story:

The protagonist in a story is the character who offers the most conflict in situations, has the longest emotional journey, and has a primal goal to root for. Their transformation shapes the story's theme. Their choices and motivations affect the direction of the story. They're at the center of the conflict and their decisions push the plot forward. In a story with multiple characters with journeys, there is ultimately one character who is the primary driver of the overall story and their story tells the theme of the overall story. The other characters' can be protagonists in their own journeys but these become subplots of varying levels of importance. The protagonist is the character whose fate matters most. They have the highest stakes and the greatest obstacles.

Everything about the above statement is captured by Robby's story in s6e5:

He offered conflict by resisting Miguel trying to gaslight him about his greater need to win.

His issues with balance have been ongoing since s1, "the longest emotional journey":

"You may know the moves, but none of that matters unless you have balance.... I didn't mean balancing your body. I mean balancing your life. Look, Robby. I know it's hard growing up without a dad, believe me. Mine died when I was young, so I know. But when those bad feelings all weigh you down, you gotta... you gotta search inside for the good stuff, you know, and just... Because then you can find some balance in your life. Understand. It's not easy, but you'll do it."

He has primal goals to root for. He has to find balance in life. He also doesn't believe in his future but has to make a future for himself by knowing who he is and believing in himself and his future:

"Well, you are the tree, Robby. You've got strong roots. You know who you are, right? So now all you've gotta do is visualize what you want your future to look like, and then you make it happen." He also needs to find balance.

Robby's the only character that actively tries to grow and find balance, the theme of the story. Finding balance is emphasized for his story specifically, though other character's stories touch on the theme to different extents.

Robby's choices and motivations really do affect the plot. For example, Robby could have given into Miguel's claim that he deserves the win more, but Robby didn't. Robby stood up for himself and his future for the first time since he stopped doing so in s5e5. Robby didn't back down after that.

At the end of s6e5, although others in Miyagi-Do care about Tory, Robby is the one most connected to Tory and is the most affected by her rejoining Cobra Kai. That is, he is still most central in his connections to both sides in the dojo war.

Robby's fate has been set up to matter most. Robby issues with balance will greatly affect his ability to fight and lead. He has the highest stakes and the greatest obstacles during this tournament. (Though, Sam is also a captain, she won the spot by default, isn't an underdog the story, and balance is mentioned but is not a focus in her story and doesn't affect her karate.) Interestingly, even most Miguel fans are wondering about what will happen to Robby, though they viciously want him to get injured so that Miguel can take over and win.

Robby's story in Cobra Kai, like Daniel's in kk1, is about finding balance. Daniel's issues with balance in kk1 were centered around his issues with Johnny bullying him, how that made Daniel feel, and the trauma it caused. Robby's issues with balance are also centered around his issues with Johnny's behavior towards him, how it makes him feel, and the trauma it causes him. This parallel of kk1 Daniel's issues with balance being about Johnny and Robby's issues with balance being about Johnny is an interesting one.

The stark contrast in their stories is that Daniel had the support of his loved ones including his mentor in his kk1 match, whereas Robby doesn't have the support of his loved ones and his mentor. Johnny, Sam, and Daniel specifically have been on Miguel's side for some time. They all were on Miguel's side during the captaincy match. (Daniel did seem concerned about Miguel after this loss and not that enthused by Robby's win.) Everyone siding with his bully plays a significant role in Robby's issues with balance. Johnny, especially, choosing Miguel over Robby while neglecting and abusing Robby has played the biggest role in Robby's traumas and issues with balance. Tory was his only support during the captaincy match. However, going into the ST, Tory is no longer on/by his side too. Robby is indeed all alone going into this tournament.

Overall, this story is told from the pov of the bullies, Johnny and Miguel, who are unreliable narrators. Right now, all the "good guy" characters have been on the sides of Robby's bullies. They each frame themselves as the good guy. In s6e2, Robby explicitly called out Miguel for framing Robby as the bad guy. Overall, there is so much evidence throughout the story that Robby is the protagonist, underdog, and Karate Kid narratively and thematically in this story.

(This post is part of my Robby is the underdog post series and is also titled "Finding balance - Part 4".)

[pepperonijem]

❝ never the same love twice ❞

pairing: suguru geto x reader cw: angst lol, not really canon compliant idk it's kinda vague and i didn't think too hard about the logistics a/n: this may or may not be a note copied straight directly 100% from my notes app

The last time you spoke to Suguru was well over three years ago. One last text message on a rainy autumn Friday night. One last message before the storm began to clear and brighter days found their way into your life.

It had been three years since you spoke to him, but he remained a constant in your mind, an unshakable, sturdy tree that had dug its roots deep into the crevices of your soul. So when you opened your notes app and created a new note in your folder of other letters you'll never send to him, you felt those roots bury themselves a bit deeper.

Hey, Suguru,

As of today, October 8, it will now have been essentially 3 years since the last text I sent you. Do you remember that? I was fighting with my best friend and coincidentally, so were you. I was depressed and well... so were you. Funny how we were still on the same page like that huh?

Boy, do I have a lot to catch you up on. First, I saw my ex last night. I can't believe I used to still feel butterflies around him even after he cheated on me with like four other people. I don't remember when I stopped feeling them, but likely I have you to thank for that.

But now it makes me wonder... how long will it be before I stop feeling those butterflies around you?

There are a lot of days where I find myself missing you, finding myself wanting to tell you about my day and then knowing exactly what you'd say if I could, and then I laugh until I feel empty again. Honestly, that's what I have my notes app for, I guess -- for imaginary conversations with a version of you that will only exist here.

That's actually why I even wrote this... but honestly, I forgot what else I had to say. It's like I had so much to say, but when I start writing to you I kind of feel like I am talking to you and I don't want to waste time before you fade away again.

I know I've moved on, but sometimes I feel like I never left and I wish you were here again. Thanks for taking on that mission from Yaga that I didn't want to take. Part of me wanted to believe that you took it so readily because it was me who asked... but I know that's not the case.

Most people don't want to remember their exes, but when I remember you, it feels like a warm hug. It's like wrapping your hands around a mug of coffee and suddenly your fingers don't feel so stiff anymore. It feels like rest... and I miss you.

I don't know where this was going. But suddenly I remembered this quote...

"There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice."

Honestly, I hate the idea of that, because I loved the way you loved me... but maybe there's something better out there for me?

Do you think you could let me go so I can find it?

Maybe one day I'll stop looking for you in every person I meet.With all the love in the world and more,your best friend. always.

[fazfacts]

TIME LOOP SENTENCE STARTERS!

quotes from "groundhog day" and "happy death day;" feel free to change as needed!

FROM THE PERSON STUCK IN THE LOOP:

❝ Didn't we do this yesterday? ❞

❝ Don't mess with me. What day is this? ❞

❝ Sorry. I'm having a bad day. ❞

❝ I'm feeling a little strange. ❞

❝ Have you ever had déjà vu? ❞

❝ I've got to talk to you. I think I'm losing my mind. ❞

❝ Can I be serious with you for a minute? ❞

❝ I'm being serious. ❞

❝ I'm having a problem -- no, I may be having a problem. ❞

❝ I'm trying to say that if I was having a problem, just hypothetically, I'd like to know that you're someone I could count on in a crisis. ❞

❝ Just trust me. ❞

❝ I've done it before. ❞

❝ I'm talking about today. I lived it before. ❞

❝ I know it's nuts, but I keep reliving the same day over and over. ❞

❝ This is the third time. ❞

❝ I'm not making it up. I'm asking for your help. ❞

❝ I'd like you to spend the next 24 hours with me. Don't leave my side for a second. ❞

❝ You're saying this thing is not really happening to me? ❞

❝ Are you saying I'm crazy? ❞

❝ What would you do if there was no tomorrow? ❞

❝ I don't worry about anything anymore. ❞

❝ I have a life wish. I'm just trying to enjoy it. ❞

❝ I know you won't believe me, but we could do anything we want today and it wouldn't matter one bit. ❞

❝ I've already been here for 211 days. ❞

❝ There's got to be more to it than this. ❞

❝ If you only had one day to live, what would you do with it? ❞

❝ I've been planning this day for weeks. ❞

❝ But there is no tomorrow for me! ❞

❝ I can't stand this place anymore! ❞

❝ Just remember, we had a wonderful day together once. ❞

❝ I'm a God. ❞

❝ It's the only explanation. I'm a supernatural human being. ❞

❝ I always wake up the next day without a scratch, without even a headache. I'm telling you, I'm immortal. ❞

❝ I want you to believe in me. ❞

❝ I told you the truth. ❞

❝ In five seconds, there's going to be a grease fire in the kitchen. ❞

❝ Please believe me. You've got to believe me. ❞

❝ It's not that bad. You get used to it. ❞

❝ The worst part is waking up every day. Tomorrow, you won't remember any of this. ❞

❝ It doesn't matter. Really, it doesn't. ❞

❝ It's not true. It's not. It can't be true. ❞

❝ You're here! My god! I can't believe you're here! ❞

❝ It's happened! Don't you get it? It's tomorrow! ❞

❝ Did I just dream it? ❞

❝ What day is it? ❞

❝ I'm totally having déjà vu right now. ❞

❝ I'm having a weird day. ❞

❝ This can't be happening...this can't be real! ❞

❝ This is a nightmare. ❞

❝ I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm so confused. ❞

❝ This isn't going to make any sense, but I've already lived through this day. Twice. ❞

❝ I know! It's not possible, but it's happening! I swear to God! ❞

❝ Nobody told me! Don't you see? I know what's going to happen before it happens! ❞

❝ I'm reliving the same day over and over. ❞

❝ Oh my God...make it stop. Please, make it stop. ❞

❝ Nobody believes me. ❞

❝ I'm sorry. I'm just...going through a lot right now. ❞

❝ I'll explain everything tomorrow...assuming there is one. ❞

❝ No...this can't be happening. This can't be happening! ❞

FROM THOSE NOT IN THE LOOP:

❝ I don't get what you mean. ❞

❝ I know you're losing it. ❞

❝ What is this? ❞

❝ Are you drunk? ❞

❝ What are you trying to say? ❞

❝ Yesterday? What are you talking about? ❞

❝ You're having déjà vu? ��

❝ Uh-huh. I'm waiting for the punchline. ❞

❝ I'm racking my brain, but I can't even begin to imagine why you'd make up something like this. ❞

❝ Okay, I'll bite. What do you want me to do? ❞

❝ Have you considered psychiatric help? ❞

❝ I'd say that maybe you're, I don't know, a little delusional. ❞

❝ What makes you so special? ❞

❝ You really do have a death wish, don't you? ❞

❝ That's quite a long time, isn't it? ❞

❝ Is this real, or are you just going to make me look like a fool? ❞

❝ It's sort of like the way I feel about UFOs. I'd have to see it to believe it. ❞

❝ There's something so familiar about this. Do you ever have déjà vu? ❞

❝ Do you really expect me to trust you? ❞

❝ Are you alright? You look terrible. ❞

❝ What are you doing? What are you thinking? ❞

❝ For a minute there, I thought you might be crazy. ❞

❝ Why are you telling me this? ❞

❝ It's not possible. ❞

❝ This is nuts. ❞

❝ Okay, enough. Let's just sit down and think for a second. ❞

❝ How are you doing this? ❞

❝ How did this start? ❞

❝ It sounds so...lonely. ❞

❝ Is this what you do with eternity? ❞

❝ Have we done this before? ❞

❝ Maybe it's not a curse. It all just depends on how you look at it. ❞

❝ Hold it right there. I want to know what's going on and I want to know right now. ❞

❝ This is too much. I must be dreaming. ❞

❝ There's something going on with you. ❞

❝ You must've had some dream. ❞

❝ Wow. Have you been here before? ❞

❝ You were acting really weird this morning. ❞

❝ Just calm down and start from the beginning. ❞

❝ Okay, I get it. Who put you up to this? ❞

❝ You're starting to freak me out. ❞

❝ What's wrong? Are you sick? ❞

❝ Maybe I can help. ❞

❝ You literally think you're reliving the same day? ❞

❝ Come on. You're just messing with me, right? ❞

❝ I'm just trying to work this whole thing out. ❞

❝ I guess it's kinda like that movie, "Groundhog Day," only you're not Bill Murray. ❞

❝ If I were you, I would stop trying to figure out how it's happening and start figuring out why. ❞

❝ There has to be a reason you're stuck in this day. ❞

❝ You probably just had a bad dream. It happens to me whenever I drink too much. ❞

[secretsandwritinggs]

Marvel inspired quotes to CK characters

Demetri Alexopoulos:

I’m engineering, he’s bio-chem (Turn this into hawkmetri, or something?)

Well, you should know by now, that looks can be deceiving. (Most likely about Kyler)

Amen to that, sister. (Saying this to Sam)

You are the least supportive pretend girlfriend I've ever had! (Again, this would go to Sam)

That's very alarming. (He would say this so calmly)

No, NO! Dear God, no!

Miguel Diaz:

Sam is my friend. She's different. (Him before dating Sam)

Science, biatch. (He’d say this to mock Dem or something but he’s definitely at science con)

Do something... Do something!... DO SOMETHING!... DO SOMETHING! (Season one era Mig? Yeah I think so)

I won't give up. I can't give up. (Again with the season one era Mig)

Many Heads, One Tale (I’m using this one as a sexual probe at Daniel and his many partners)

Who needs space? Because I've got something magnificent right here. (Possibly praising Johnny for being a great sensei and again, with the season one era)

Robby Keene:

I'm tired of seeing our friends ripped apart from each other. That can't happen to us again. I won't let it. (DIRECTED TO TORY. 🗣️)

Maybe I'm stuck in a loop. Kreese, Silver, my dad... They're all the same. It keeps happening.

I guess you don't know me at all. (This is definitely targeted to either Sam or Daniel)

Nope. Right now. Come with me. (He’s off dragging Tory somewhere)

"Is that one of LaRusso's?" I don't know. The guy never tells me anything.

I think they need a time-out. (They = Kenny and Anthony 👀)

Anthony LaRusso:

No, of course not. But they made the most idiotic, ill-conceived request imaginable.

People tend to confuse the words 'new' and 'improved'. (Talking about certain people at Cobra Kai 👀)

"I'm not exactly a team player." We're not exactly a team. (Kenthony tension, of course 🤭)

I forgot how good you are. (He’s definitely all bugged eyed watching Kenny do some moves 😏)

I'm sorry. "What?" It’s nothing. Never mind. (Kenthony tension again)

"Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me? Where's the 'I told you so'?" That's not me anymore. (More Kenthony, sorry 🤷‍♂️)

A little tangent: I will lose my ever loving mind if they make Tory into Kwon; she’s already happy with Robby plus those two are really cute together. I’ll be destroyed if they are torn apart, because of a new character, and this is safe to say that I didn’t like Sam’s cheating arc like at all. That fucked me up too, wtf.

Had to sprinkle in some Hawkmetri since it too, is becoming a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s so interesting looking into another ship that I haven’t step foot into and also, I had to feed the Kenthony shippers too with Anthony’s quotes. Hopefully I can remember to make the next part of this, because there’s still a couple other headcanons I need to finish on this blog that I haven’t. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed these and have a good rest of your day ☺️🙂‍↕️

[leasstories]

The New Girl

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

TW: SH, blood, drug use, depression, mentions of bullying

Your family just moved in Hawkins Indiana, you're 18 and this is your senior year. You were your old town's freak, and the fact that you were a girl made it even worse. You were considered the town’s freak because you were mainly listening to metal and Rock N'Roll  but also because you loved Roleplay games. One day, you saw this magazine about Dungeon and Dragons and you really enjoyed the game's concept, you knew pretty much everything about this game but you had no one to play it with. This year means new resolutions and you decided to be the most "normal" that you could be. It means you have to say goodbye to the ripped jeans but also goodbye to the band t-shirts. And you even consider joining the cheerleaders even though you hate what they do. You won't be able to go through another year of bullying, all alone. Your high school years were really hard on you, you went into depression and school phobia and started having self harming habits. This year has to be different. You're even gonna hide your tattoos and you dyed your hair back in your h/c which is far different from their previous color which was claret-red.

This is your first day at Hawkins High, you dressed in a plain white, long sleeve t-shirt and a blue jean, and you only did your make up with foundation and mascara. You rush downstair, take your bag, a pancake and rush through the door while screaming "See you tonight !" to your parents. You hear your mom wishing you a good day before sitting on the driver seat of your car. You drive to school even though you are early and you hope you can find a calm spot in order to hide and smoke your cigarette before heading to class. You park your car on the parking, get out and see a little path leading to the forest, you take it and arrive at a picnic table, you sit thinking it's a very calm spot for your little pre first day cigarette. You sit down, take your cigarette out and start smoking when you hear leaves scrunching behind you. You jump off of the bench, to see a teenager, or young adult you don't know, with brown curly hair, brown eyes and his clothes are very similar to your former clothes. He raises his hands in surrender to show you he means no harm before speaking.

"I never saw you around"

"I'm new in town" you answer

The boy looks at you with his big brown eyes, you can't help but stare at him, but also admire him for being confident enough to wear the clothes he wants, you remember that once, you were like him, but that led you to be in such a dark place that you think it doesn't worth it.

"Then welcome perfect stranger, I'm Eddie Munson !"

You chuckle before answering "I'm Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N"

"Nice to meet you, I actually can't believe you are talking to me, most people would have ran away"

"Why is that ?” you ask

"Because I'm the town's freak" he makes invisible quoting marks with his hands "mean and scary"

"You don't seem mean and scary to me"

"Well thank you,  but you shouldn't hang out with me at school, not that I don't like you no, you are pretty and I enjoy talking to you but-"

You cut Eddie's rambling. "I can manage hanging out with the outcasts, I actually was an outcast in my old town"

"You don't seem an outcast to me, you seem the most normal person I've ever seen, and it's not an insult at all I promise" Eddie is all flustered and keep rambling.

"My style, my real style is similar to yours to be honest, I just changed it because I couldn't take being the freak anymore but I admire you. I admire you for not caring about what others think, and" you take a deep breathe "I want to learn, that's why, if you accept it of course, I'm gonna hang out with you at school"

While you were talking Eddie took a black lunch box out and started rolling a joint.

"I'd be honored to hang out with you, and I'll help you, I'll help you see how unimportant people's opinion is, all that matters is that you are comfortable in your own clothes, that you feel yourself. Do you even feel yourself in those ?"

You look at the ground, ashamed before answering "Not really..."

"You don't have to feel ashamed. I promise to help you be yourself" Eddie lits up his joint, you look at the joint tempted before Eddie asks you "Wanna share it with me ?"

You think about it, and if you're gonna walk into the hall of your new high school with him, you'll need courage, plus you haven't had one in two days now and the withdrawal is getting really strong so you nod.

"Before I share it with you I need you to say it out loud, please"

"Yes I want to share it with you"

Eddie hands you the joint and you take a few hits before handing it back to him. You look at your watch before cursing "shit ! Eddie we're gonna be late !"

Eddie shrugs but then he sees the panic in your eyes and takes his stuff before leading you to the high school.

When you both enter the halls, everyone looks at you. You start fidgeting with your fingers, really anxious for this first day when Eddie says. "You have nothing to be afraid of, if anyone is rude to you come to me and I'll flip them off"

You chuckle slightly before answering "thank you Eddie". Gosh you find this boy really sweet but also insanely attractive, but of course you keep your thoughts to yourself.

Eddie leads you to the secretary office and waits for you outside while you go pick up your timetable as well as your locker number and code. When you head out, you look surprised that Eddie is still here.

"What are you still doing here, you're gonna be late."

"I wasn't going to let you get lost in the maze that is Hawkins high, plus I don't care about being late"

"Thank you, I'm going to my locker and then to my first class"

Eddie snatches your timetable from your hands and look at you, grinning.

"We are together almost all morning !" he seems very excited at the idea of spending the morning with you and deep down you are too. You are also relieved.

"Sounds amazing" you answer

After your last class of the morning, that you had to spend without Eddie, you're going to the cafeteria, you enter and go grab food, once you have your tray, you look around for somewhere to sit when one of the basketball player, you think his name is Jason, goes to you and tell you "Wanna sit with us new girl ?"

You look at him in disbelief because of what he just called you, but you're kinda scared of him, you knew people like that at your old school, one of them used to hit you every single day, you start trembling a bit.

Eddie is sitting at his table with his friends from Hellfire. Gareth, Jeff, Dustin and Mike all look at the scene happening a few meters away which is your interaction with Jason when Gareth says.

"Look at the new girl already being seduced by the King of Hawkins high"

At those few words, Eddie raises his head from his plate and look at the exchange between you and Jason, he can sense that something is off but before he can say anything Dustin speak up.

"Why does she look so uncomfortable ?"

Eddie gets up on the table and scream "YN, you can come sit here if you want"

The whole cafeteria look at you and then Eddie in disbelief and Jason look at you with a glare saying 'don't you dare sit with him'. Before you could say anything Jason turns to Eddie and says "Want somethin' freak ?". The nickname make you wince and you get out of the cafetaria, running, with teary eyes. You run until you reach the picnic table you were sat on this morning.

Meanwhile, Eddie makes a face at Jason before jumping from the table and going to look for you. After 10 minutes of searching the whole High School, Eddie comes to the conclusion that you are at the picnic table. He goes there and see you with a bloody razor blade in your hand, crying. He delicately sits next to you and take the blade from your hands, he doesn't say anything because to be honest, he doesn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry" you manage to say between sobs

"Don't be YN, I am the one who is sorry, I should have been waiting for you at your class. What happened with Jason, did he say something ?"

You start crying even more at the mention of what happened in the cafeteria, Eddie start rubbing your back before he remembers the bloody blade. He looks at your bloody wrists and take one in his hand, he take his bandana and start wiping off the blood while you keep crying.

"I'm sorry if it hurts sweetheart but I have to clean all that blood"

You wince when the fabric of the bandana touch your wrist but you don't back up. You're ashamed that he saw you like that though.

After Eddie finished wiping the blood from your left wrist, he wipes the blood from your left wrist.

He keeps rubbing your back while you sob before asking "do you wanna talk about what happened in there ?"

You take a shaky breath before saying "I've known someone like Jason... back in my former high school, and he-" you start crying again "he hurt me almost every single day..."

"I'm sorry to hear that YN... Jason is a dick but he'd never hurt you like that, and even if he tried I wouldn't let him"

You look at Eddie, still sobbing, with your teary eyes and you mutter a shaky "thank you"

Then Eddie looks back at yout wrists and hesitate before asking "do you hurt yourself often ?"

You burry your face in your hands, ashamed and keep sobbing.

Eddie gets up from the bench and kneel before you, taking your hands away from your face. He lift your chin up so you can look at him before saying "You don't have to answer YN, but I want you to know that you can tell me anything, I'd never judge you or tell anyone what you tell me"

"I do..." you end up answering

Eddie look at you with saddened eyes before searching for a pen and a paper through his bag, he writes down his adress and phone number and hands it to you.

"The next time you want to do that, call me or  come see me, I'll try taking your mind off of it, and if you can't help but do it, I'll at least clean your cuts"

You take the paper after thanking him.

"Do you want me to bring you back home ?" You nod, you and Eddie go back to your car, once you've unlocked the car Eddie opens the passenger door for you.

"What are you doing ?" you say

"Driving you home" Eddie answers

"But what about your car ?"

"Don't worry for me YN, I won't let you drive when you're all shaken up, please let me do that for you"

You nod and climb on the passenger seat. Eddie close your door before climbing on the driver's seat. You give him the direction to your home. The ride is silent, but it's a comfortable silence. Once you arrive, Eddie open the passenger door for you before leading you to your door.

You unlock your door when Eddie says "See ya tomorrow YN !"

"Can you... can you stay please" you ask

Eddie look at you before saying "Of course I can, I have nothing better to do anyway, I can stay until your parents come back"

"Thank you so much" you say with a weak smile.

You lead Eddie to the couch and instruct him to sit down.

"I know you've been wanting to ask me something all the way home, please go ahead, ask me, whatever it is I'm prepared."

"Why do you hurt yourself ?"

You take a shaky breath before answering "Because the pain I feel inside of me is eating me alive, when I cut myself my focus is on another kind of pain, one that hurt less than the pain inside of me"

Eddie takes your hand. "I'm sorry, I wish I could take away some of your pain"

After this conversation, Eddie cheered you up, he made some jokes to make you laugh, you listened to Iron Maiden together, and when it was time for him to leave you kissed him on the cheek and Eddie was all flustered.

The next days, you spent a lot of time together and Eddie was always trying to put a smile on your face, he was doing everything in his power to make you forget the demons from your past, and it worked, every time you were with him  you were laughing and smiling. Thanksgiving holidays were approaching, which meant you would be all by yourself for a week. But you decided that you won't tell Eddie, he has to enjoy Thanksgiving holidays with his family, he needs to take time for himself. You can't ask him to spend his entire holiday with you even though you'd really like that. You can't be selfish, he's done so much for you in the past weeks.

This is the last day before the holidays and you decided to go to school with your style, you put on a black Metallica t-shirt with a black ripped jean, Doc Martens and let your tattoos show, you didn't tell Eddie that you would come to school like that, when you entered the hall, everyone was whispering, you went to class and sat at the last raw, next to Eddie's usual place.

Eddie was late as usual, when he entered the class he saw everyone whispering but paid no further attention, until his eyes spotted you. When he looked at you, his jaw dropped, he didn't think you'd be ready yet. He went to sit next to you and saw you figdeting and your knee bounce, you two had gotten really close in the past weeks so he put his hand on your knee and look at you, a look meaning 'I'm here for you'. The class go by and you keep fidgeting but Eddie keeps his hand on your knee until the teacher notice.

"Can I help you Mister Munson" she says

"I'm sorry Miss, I wasn't feeling well and Eddie was showing me emotional support" you answer

"The freak help the freak" says a cheerleader. Chrissy turn to you with an apologetic smile.

"Mrs Smith, I didn't ask for a comment, Mr Munson just remove your hand from her knee"

Eddie look at you before doing so, you nod, making him understand that it's okay. Deep down it isn't and you know that you aren't going to your next class.

When the bell ring, you don't even wait for Eddie and run to the bathroom, you lock yourself until the bell ring to indicate that the next class is starting.

Eddie enter the next class, he scans the room but doesn't see you, he doesn't care about what the teacher will say, he just get out of the room, ignoring the teacher who was ordering him to come back to class. He knew where you were but he also knew that you were hurting yourself, he knows how hard it had been for you and also know you weren't ready to handle everything that was coming with assuming your style, your mental health was still very fragile even though Eddie had helped you a lot. He had to find you, you needed him now more than ever.

You were sat at the picnic table, looking blankly at your bloody wrist when Eddie found you, he sat next to you and you were so afraid that you disappointed him that you decided to speak first, looking at your shoes.

"I'm sorry Eddie, I couldn't help it"

Eddie looks at you with a saddened but understanding look. "I'm not mad YN, I promise, let me fix this."

Eddie goes through his bag and take out some gauze and a bottle of antiseptic, he always has it in his bag since the first time he saw you hurt yourself, just in case. He didn't have to use it in a while, but he knew that you would probably relapse one day, and Eddie was glad he didn't take it out of his bag.

Eddie put some antiseptic on the gauze and started cleaning your wounds, he then looked at you in the eyes before saying "I really like your style" Eddie is grinning, even though he shouldn't be flirty, he can't help, you're just so beautiful, even more when you’re yourself. Eddie doesn't care about your scars, and even if it saddened him, the fact that you happened to hurt yourself wasn't something that made him run away. Eddie fell for you in those few weeks you spent together.

"Thank you for cleaning this up, and for the compliment" you blush at each special attentions.

"You’re not so bad yourself Munson" you added

Eddie got closer to you and took your hand in his. "I have something to tell you YN, and I know that now might not be the best timing but I can't keep it to myself anymore."

"I love you Eddie" you blurt out without thinking. When you realize what you just say you put your left hand on your mouth and take your hand away of Eddie's, ready to leave.

Eddie grabs you by the wrist and kisses you passionately before saying "I was going to say that I love you more than I should love a friend. And please don't interrupt me, let me finish. I really enjoy every moment with you, and I'm proud of you for coming to school like that, I'm proud of you for not self harming for weeks. Yes you've relapsed today, but relapse is part of recovery and please believe me when I say that you can tell me when you've done it, I'd rather be there for you, help you clean it up and help taking away your guilt than not knowing what you're going through. You've come such a long way YN, and I'm so so proud of you. I love you and nothing can change that."

You have tears in your eyes, what Eddie said is so beautiful, you don't even know what to answer to that, no one as never been this kind to you before and it's overwhelming, so instead of saying anything you hug him and don't let go.

It is Thanksgiving today, your parents left in order to spend Thanksgiving with your grand-parents as well as your aunts and uncles that you don't particularly appreciate, that's why you decided to stay home. You have been trying out outfits all morning long to find the perfect outfit and now you found it, you're gonna wear a black leather dress, tights and heeled boots, you put on some black eye liner, mascara and red lipstick. You've just finished putting your hair in a tight bun when you hear Eddie's van pulling up in your backyard. You rush to the door taking your keys and bag. Your run in Eddie's arms and hug him tight, your legs around his waist. Eddie chuckles and kiss you before saying "Ready to spend Thanksgiving with me and my uncle ?"

You seem a bit stressed so Eddie looks at you in the eyes before saying "Wayne is gonna love you YN, I'm sure of that"

You spend the ride hand in hand, listening to your favorite song, 'Rainbow In the Dark' by Dio.

"Eddie ?" you say, breaking the silence

"Mmh" he answers

"You are my Rainbow in the dark"

Eddie smiles and squeezes your hand. "I love you Sweetheart"

" I love you too Eddie"

And as Eddie predicted Wayne loves you and you spent the best Thanksgiving you've ever spent, surronded by people you feel safe around. Not thinking once about hurting yourself. Eddie is really your Rainbow in the dark.

If you or anyone you know has to deal with SH, depression or suicidal thoughts please reach out for help. https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/depression/resources.htm

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFP, 26. I have a problem I don't know the origin of. (Prefacing this by saying I've always been this way but I don't want to keep pretending I can live like this anymore. It's limiting my life, the opportunities I can take and everything I could be.) So. Let's say I'm at a bar, someone jokes about something and the joke is either one of those you come up with on the spot or just a reference, a quote, a proverb - basically something people hear once and then in the right moment recall and say to make others laugh. Most people seem to have their own "mental library" with other references like that, so they're able to reply and start this ironic back and forth of puns, maybe doing wordplay or imagination games and just amusing each other until they're laughing. This happens pretty quickly and they literally have no hesitation at all. They come up with stuff, share it, bond over humor, strengthen their relationship. They have everything so neat and tidy in their heads, or so it seems to me. I don't.

First of all, I am not that fast. And this is probably not to say I'm not smart, my QI's supposed to be 135 or higher (I don't remember right now cause I took the test a while ago). It's just that my mind always feels empty (or maybe it's filled with the wrong things the entire time). I don't recall anything that quickly, it really takes me a while to even recall a name I've read online the day before, sometimes. I need to focus and it takes a lot of energy and social times are faster, nobody waits for me to come up with the words I can't recall.

Second, I don't have a mental library with references, quotes and sayings I can pick from to sound funny in conversations. It's always the same two or three, and just because I've heard them since childhood. Other people seem to constantly learn more, register more, with no limit.

I can also be pretty oblivious sometimes. For example, it's obvious to everyone that the guy is speaking in a serious tone but it's ironic - and I still think that was a serious speech.

People treat me like I'm an idiot because of this. They always have to explain things to me, even basic information about life, and they look down on me cause they can tell I don't memorize.

I struggle with memory even when it comes to learning simple notions about what interests me by myself (alone) and then recalling them in a group of people. By myself, I do just fine, I take my time and mostly remember. With other people, I end up looking ignorant about most topics cause my mind is empty. They're able to spit fun facts about this and that, even using numbers, stats, making connections - and I can't even remember the basic fact itself, even though I did read about it multiple times. Let alone stats.

Same thing happens with improvisation. During the holidays we tried a fun game where we had to improvise a funny character and everyone could instantly think of someone except me.

Someone suggested this might be autism, but I'm not sure since I've been to therapy and no one ever told me that. I can only add that I've always had a hard time making friends growing up, I used to read a lot when I was a kid and then because of bullying had a long period of depression, so I stopped enjoying my hobbies. I've just recently started feeling better after years of therapy, and I'm about to get medicated for ADHD (which it's confirmed I have).

I really wanna fix this, honestly, because it's starting to impact my mental health and I still struggle to make and keep friendships since I'm not fast enough to participate or open up. I don't feel seen because I don't express my internal world fast enough for me to actually get some screen time. In the end, people tend to gravitate around each other more and ignore me. l'm definitely gonna talk about this with my therapist once the ADHD meds process is over, but what do you suggest? Even just a little practical advice would help a lot. I'm, like, miserable. Thank you.

----------------------

While it's possible that there is a neurological explanation for this matter (such as ADHD, depression, or autism), I'm not really in a position to confirm that for you. What I can do is set aside extraneous possibilities for a moment and look only at the data as it pertains to personality type. This may or may not help you, but it could open up a door for getting one step closer to discovering the root causes.

Since this matter is directly related to the way your mind works, there should be plenty of evidence of each cognitive function in the stack doing wonky things. From there, I would normally provide some practical advice about how to use the functions more optimally.

However, in your case, I don't see the functions doing the wonky things I expect to see. Rather, there is a complete absence of certain function activity. This gives me great pause. When the description of a psychological issue doesn't align properly with the personality type someone claims to be, then the first possibility to consider is that they are mistyped. You will have to explain to me how you came to conclude you are INFP. Just so you know, it is quite common for ISFPs, ISFJs, INFJs to mistype as INFP.

Even if I were to proceed under the assumption that you are INFP in hypothetical terms, I would still struggle to think of suggestions for function development because you seem to lack the basic building blocks of Fi, Ne, and Si from which to make a start. Taking ADHD back into consideration doesn't help much, either. I've worked with a number of INFPs with ADHD and they normally suffer from unhealthy Ne, which generally presents as a mind that is too messy due to being too full - not empty - the opposite problem from yours.

I take mistypes very seriously because this blog is specifically about type development. I have experience working on type development with people, including people who were mistyped, so I can tell you that trying to develop the wrong functions can produce very negative effects. It basically means operating with a false self-image, which has the potential to damage self-esteem. It's important to exercise an abundance of caution and avoid harm. I can't in good conscience suggest things that might ultimately send you in the wrong direction.

If you would like for me to continue helping you, the first thing you need to do is submit a thorough type assessment (by following the instructions on the contact page). The process would allow me to understand exactly how your mind works and then connect how you normally use functions to this specific matter at hand. Until then, my ability to help is very limited.

I understand this matter upsets you and you want nothing more than to fit in and feel normal. But psychology can be complex and it sometimes takes many steps to unravel a problem and understand it. To help you properly, I have to be able to determine where exactly your true potential lies, which means I have to consider the possibility that your social strengths lie elsewhere. I'm not yet convinced that the INFP growth trajectory is the right path.

The only practical advice I can leave you with at this point is: Exercise more intellectual curiosity. This shouldn't be a problem if you are indeed N. Broaden your horizons by taking up more interests, seeking out new experiences, learning more about the world, caring about important causes... and gradually build a stronger foundation of knowledge. From there, you should be able to contribute better during social interactions. To put it simply, the remedy to an empty mind is to start filling it.

-----

EDIT: An anonymous reader wrote in and requested I pass along a message, which I will present without comment for OP's consideration:

Message for the maybe-INFP anon with empty mind: You're not alone, I have adhd and struggle with a similar (INFJ). Social situations move too fast for me-- a relevant joke or anecdote comes to me too late. I miss the real meaning of words, not recognising tone, irony, or implications because I process things slowly. And my memory is unreliable, so I don't recall enough info to engage. Once, I forgot what the street I lived on looked like; things don't always stick. Draining despite being "empty".

[noa-de-cajou]

Eyes

Anya, Sigi, Klaus and Dobromiev belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author

I like

Looking at people’s eyes

When they're not looking into mine

I remember once

I told Bronya about it

She said

(I quote)

��Is that your love language or some shit”

And I wonder

Maybe it is? Maybe it isn't

Either way I like looking at people’s eyes

Especially when it's people I like

Anya’s eyes are blue and bright

Like the sun

I know the sun isn't blue

But they’re blue like the sea when the sun shines right into it

That's what I mean

Since I'm staying at her place for the time being

I have all the time in the world to look

Her eyes are very expressive

You can tell how she feels right away

Even if sometimes they get cloudy

Full of a sadness just as deep as the sea of her irises

A sadness I can't even begin to understand

But I don't need to understand

She isn’t asking me to

Sometimes her eyes meet mine

They catch me staring

And the waves in them recede a little and she laughs and asks me if she has something on her face

Once I replied

A smile?

And it made her giggle

And I lost myself in her face again

Eyes blue

Like the Atlantic

And I'm going down

Like the Titanic

I drew her in my notebook

Pencil and blue watercolor

I didn't show her yet

I don't want her to think I'm creepy

Maybe I'll give it to her for her birthday

I don't know her birthday

Klaus saw the drawing I think because he passed behind me as I was working on it

Maybe I should ask him

Or Dobromiev

Anya’s very curious about the notebook

But I can't say anything about it

Not yet

Maybe when I'm ready

I’m not used to the light

But I'd let the sun burn my skin just so I could look at it

I'm scared

I've never fallen from quite this high

Fallin' into your ocean eyes

I know I can't live here forever

I know you can't sleep next to me forever

I know I'll have to go back there

But I want you to look at me

Longer

Longer

I'm a moth

You're the flame

I’m a fish on dry land

You're the waves on the shore

I need you

Even if you don't

Need me

Maybe

If I can stand up on my own

Be someone I can be proud of

Maybe

I'll be brave enough to show you

In the meantime

I'll just practice

To be worthy

Of you

Don’t wanna leave you anymore

Oh darling all of the city lights

Never shined as bright as your eyes

Hold me in your gaze

Let me stay by you

Where I feel safe

They say eyes are the mirrors of the soul

Maybe that's why I like looking at them

But some eyes haunt you

Because they’re mirrors

But they mirror you

Not the person they belong to

Sigismund’s eyes

Are exactly like that

His pupils are wide and reflect my face

His soul is in the little space left for his irises

Blue

Deep

Unreachable

Cramped

Looking in your eyes

I’m coming home

I look into your eyes and I see

Someone just like me

But not me

Someone who doesn’t fit into themselves

Someone trying to be someone else

Who are you?

Who are you, really?

Won't you let me know?

I want

To know

I look into your eyes and I'm not afraid

But you don’t let me see you

When I try to draw you

It’s never quite right

The eyes look too shallow

Or too deep

Too painful?

There is pain in those eyes though

Pain echoing mine

If I should ask

Or just imply

That I wanted a bit more light

So I could look inside his eyes

And get

The colors just right

Sometimes there is hate when he looks at me

But I know hate

This is not hate directed towards me

Am I a mirror you can’t bear to look at?

Do you want to break me?

(Maybe I'd let you)

There’s a thread between us

You have the scissors in hand

You just can’t bring yourself to cut it

And I keep pulling on it

To try and bring you closer

Before you get lost

And you'd say you love hate me and look in my eyes

But I know through mine you were looking in yours

I've received your gift

Your letter

Said it made you think of me

I crossed your mind

It makes me so happy

I hope I can gift you something in return

Even if you need more than what I can give you

I hope one day you can rest those eyes

I hope you let me hold

A bit of your pain

(I hope you let me hold you)

Eyes Blue Like The Atlantic – Sista Prod

Ocean Eyes – Billie Eilish

Car’s outside – James Arthur

Evelyn Evelyn – Evelyn Evelyn

Forever… (is a long time) – Halsey

Last Words of A Shooting Star – Mitski

[tree3friend]

am i okay for feeling nostalgic about a year ago?

because if i went back and told my younger self that i would miss how my life used to be i would probably be met by a laugh.

i think i believe now that i cared more about everything back then and that i've grown more cynical over the last year - which may be true, but why do i have to feel sad about that?

i also noticed that i almost never read (or write) poetry anymore. i used to note down all the quotes from poems, songs, novels or movies which i found interesting, meaningful, or cool and i also stopped doing that. i remember telling myself that i would start memorizing poems that i enjoyed reading so that i could quote them whenever i wanted to, and that would be so cool, and then i memorized one and then just stopped doing that too.

looking back, it was also around this time last year that i began trying to socialize, hang out after school, go out on weekends. i don't do that anymore either, not that often at least. it's just a thing i have - if i have spent enough time with a group, i get bored of them and want to move on. i usually cut ties with all but one or two people from the group, and that's what i want to do right now but i can't because i have to see all these people every day at school so that wouldn't be that practical. plus, i can't think of a new group i can move on to.

there are several more reasons that make me feel like my life has recently become shit, but i think that most of these reasons weren't there before.. say, the new year. 2025 isn't a good year by any measure. i just watched the netflix movie adaptation of one of my favourite books of all time, All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven (i read it around a year ago, too), and the Cesare Pavese quote "we do not remember days, we remember moments" from the book/movie made me want to reflect on all this. i remember many moments from 2024: special moments, meaningful moments. and i'm afraid that i won't have any moments to remember from this year.

tbh, that is probably a groundless fear. i mean, we are the generation who has gone through the pandemic. sure i can handle a dull year, right? at least i can go out, i can talk to people, i can go to the cinema, to the library, to a museum, to a cafe. i wasn't thinking about how i would remember the special moments in the future while i was living through them. i could be living through special moments right now which i would feel nostalgic about in the future without ever noticing it.

[nocherryblood]

Autism regression things I'm slowly noticing, that are terrifying me:

-Speech changes. Sometimes speaking takes more effort or my speech is slower. Moreso when I'm tired, but even when I was tired a few years ago I was a lot more okay to talk. When I speak it's like speaking through thick, heavy tar. I stutter or take ages to speak. It's like I can do it but it's so slow, dull and monotone that it's almost comical. But it frustrates me because I feel like I could speak normally if I tried and I think I can but it's so much effort that I don't want to anymore

I'm trying to learn British Sign Language or Makaton or Sign Supported English to help but no one around me knows it for it to be useful when I most need it, but even then I am not sure I have enough in me to think and remember and put all the effort into remembering the signs. I've thought about using AAC but I know most people will just tell me to talk verbally and that I don't need it. I feel like I'm trying to be "special". I feel awful. But I also can't help but imagine how much easier it may be for me not to have to speak when it bothers me so. I can tap a button, tap a few buttons, and what I need to say will be gotten across

-Mask/repression failing. I'm finding that I act a lot more noticeably "stereotypically" autistic (in quotes because there is no one 'autism' and stereotypes can be harmful, I know, please don't lecture me) whereas before I didn't really have too many troubles repressing myself and my instincts. For example, I am often reprimanded for being "babyish" and "silly"- for example, verbally stimming out loud at random all the time (e.g. little groans or grunts or mutters or hums- they come as easy and as often as breathing), not being able to control when I cry and whine because I am upset, whining and 'getting in a tizzy/tantrum' and getting "overreactively" upset when someone is not understanding me and getting frustrated so easily (sometimes because people don't always understand that sometimes I'm not complaining because I'm just annoyed, but because if they don't help I am going to have a meltdown), and as I have just mentioned, having more meltdowns or getting close to one despite never really ever having them before. I have been under a lot of stress lately, so I know that could factor into all of this, but it feels like I can no longer get a grip on myself and it feels like I am losing control of my own self. It's frightening and I know it's annoying to deal with for other people, and that stresses me out even more. How do I tell someone without them thinking I'm just being babyish or it's an excuse for me to be lazy and/or stupid? When they tell me I was doing so well and now I'm not? And I try to force myself to "stop being silly" and it works for all of about two seconds?

-Loss of previously concrete abilities. I am losing so much energy. Depression and mental health factors into this, I know, but it feels like I am getting dumber. I can't retain information the way I used to. I can't concentrate or focus like I used to. I can't enjoy even my own hobbies like I used to. I need more help and more prompting and more explanation than I ever have asked for or needed before. And "used to" refers to how I was only about 2-3 years ago

-Having more sensory issues and taking longer to understand/process instructions and ideas. It takes so long for things to fully "click" into my head now, if they even do at all. Or I interpret it completely wrong and people think I'm doing it intentionally. I forget things so, so often. I write things down to try to help... but the I forget what to write down or that I've even written anything down at all. Taking medicines on time is almost impossible too, even with reminders and timers

-Guilt/imposter syndrome. A lot of these things lead to guilt. Guilt that I'm taking away help and support from people with higher support needs, from people with real struggles, guilt that I'm "probably faking it" even though I cannot stop it even when I try and I cannot improve myself for very long before it goes back to being bad again or sometimes even worse, guilt that I'm just lazy or guilt that I'm "pretending to be worse". And because I feel guilt, and because I know others perceive me as faking it or "putting it on"/"making it worse than it seems to be" I feel terrified of trying to accommodate myself. It feels like some parts of my spectrum are worsening or crossing into higher support needs, even if it's not every day. Maybe it's one day or two days or three days or four days or maybe even five days that it crosses into a higher support need category. But because I can still do some things for myself, the rest is brushed off...

I need to keep reminding myself that though I may have it better than a lot of people, I'm still struggling. And I am allowed to ask for help, I want to believe. But being classed as "High Functioning" or "Level 1" is not helping in the slightest. Why can't they give you a classification based off of what parts of Autism exactly you need help and support with?

Is there anyone else that is going through this as well?

[nelsonbodyconfidence]

Hey mate, I've been following your Tumblr for some time now, and I just wanted to say keep up the amazing work! Body confidence is definitely something I struggle with but I admire anyone no matter what shape or size they are, to be proud of stepping out in public rocking a pair of tight Speedos! You look absolutely amazing in them wearing them!

Don't let anyone stop you from being yourself. Life is all about expressing ourselves and I am so proud to see another man who loves Speedos to flaunt what their mama gave you because we only have one life! Life is too short to worry about what others think or worry about our surroundings. If people have an issue with it, well, hun, that's a "them" problem! Lol.

If women can wear a piece of string considered as a bikini, well, you know the rest! Just simply keep doing what you're doing. People can move if they don't like what they see. All you have to do is smile, nod and give them a wave! Cause it definitely takes Charisma Uniqueness Nerve & Talent for men to be vulnerable, showing their emotions and opening up etc.

I'm gonna use another quote from RuPaul, because "if them bitches ain't paying your bills, pay them bitches no mind!" I always say and use this saying because it's so damn true! If people ask me or have an issue with me, I simply just say that to them. No f#cks given... seriously! 💅🏼 You might who the hell is this dick lol but I just thought I'd try to pay it forward with my witty sense of humour. So, with that said... Walk with your head held high!

I seriously LOVE these Speedos you have (link to your post) - my GOD talk about a 🍑👌🏼 bubble butt! I would love to bury my face in it through the fabric of your Speedo and all... 🔥🔥🔥 *Wolf whistles* 😵‍💫🤤🥵😍 (my apologies for being inappropriate)... Continuing on... I simply cannot find them for the life of me and not to mention how shitty and lackluster Speedo Australia has been the last decade or so. They simply do not make them what they used to anymore!

So my question is, if you don't mind me asking what type of brief/style are is it called? I was hoping if you possibly know where I could either, a; buy them from, online etc, b; you're willing to do a trade/swap, c; buy them from you. I just thought I would ask.

I don't mind what size they are, I usually like them quite fitted and he's, I do tend to squeeze myself in smaller sizes since they feel so much better against my skin and make me feel so much sexier even if I look like a whale protruding from the sides 😂. But like I said, if people have a problem, gurrrrrrl, bai! haha.

I wish you all the best and all my love and support to you. Keep up the fabulous work and I'll leave you with this... remember, if you can't LOVE yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else? (RUPAUL is my saviour and my life, seriously lol).

Thank you so much! I loo forward to your reply (no pressure or anything!).... P.s. I absolutely apologise for the long message. I hope you enjoyed this, regardless 😁.

Much love, D 🦘🩷🇦🇺🩷🐨

glad you like my posts. thanks for writing an encouraging message.

I got that speedo from https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DJAOUOU its the Speedo Men's Swimsuit Brief PowerFlex Eco Solar. they are definitely the smallest speedos you can get before getting into thong territory, which i don't think id ever wear in public. wearing these are the lest amount of clothing ive ever worn in public but they keep everything covered and only show a little bit of ass cheek.

[tyfinn]

Walking away from toxic mother update...

TW: Toxic parenting, walking away from family

I just feel the need to talk about what happened this week. For those who know, and for those who don't, this post is for me. I don't expect anyone to read it, and I'm not looking for validation or anything... More under the cut

So back in August, I had my last phone conversation with my mother, with whom I have had a very contentious relationship for years. Many years. And that particular August Sunday, I decided it was finally enough.

Two weeks later she tried contacting me on my wedding anniversary. I did not respond.

To be honest, I don't remember if she tried to get in touch with me after that. My sister did, telling me she is in the middle and wanted to know if I was really done, and she just needed to know so that she could tell our mother. She also wanted to know what she did that was so bad.

Here is the funny thing. I mentioned many times how we have the same argument all the time, nothing changes, and she has no interest in my life. I told my sister that for my mental health, I needed to walk away.

October: we are hit by 2 back to back hurricanes. My mother reached out, saying I don't have to talk to her, but let her know I was ok. I did.

Thanksgiving I received at least 3 FB messages. I did not read any of them.

Christmas Eve, I received a text from her while I was at work. I did not read it. On my way home, I called my best friend, who knows everything. I asked her what I should do. There were days the guilt would get to me, but then I thought back to every time I reached out, things still did not change. She suggested I block her. I had not done that yet.

So, on Christmas morning, I read through the messages. They started out angry, comparing me to my paternal grandmother, things I have heard before. And then she told me how she was not giving up on me, I am still her daughter. I pulled out my books on toxic parenting and read the chapter about walking away, and how sometimes that was the only solution. I tried having a "tea party" relationship. It does not work for me. I do not have time in my life for a superficial mother-daughter relationship. I do not want to spend time with people who do not want to get to know me.

I blocked her, and I have to tell you I had one of the best Christmases in years. I felt no guilt. I did not feel bad. I enjoyed the day.

Yesterday, my brother posted on FB aimed at me, but not mentioning me by name. He has also had a difficult relationship with our mother. It basically said, how our mother gave us life, we may not always get along or agree with each other, but the unconditional love will always be there. Also, that I may think my life is better without her, but in reality my life is sad and lonely. I have hurt her deeply.

Here's the thing. I have not felt love in years. My life is better without her. My life is far from sad and lonely. To quote Nick Nelson from Heartstopper Season 2 Episode 7: I like my life. I like who I am.

Also, from the same episode, this time from Charlie: I will not be ambushed into forgiving you.

Why does she find the need for me to respond now? I just can't.

I blocked my brother, sister, and other members from my family last night.

This morning, I received a text from my sister, needing to know what happened. I do not owe her an explanation. She feels stuck in the middle trying to fix this. She can't fix this, and I didn't ask her to. I responded I was at work, and I would respond this evening or tomorrow, but I really don't know what else I can say. She responded by saying she got her answer, and she is done.

I figured it would be a matter of time before my brother and sister would not want to talk to me anymore. I accepted that fact back in August.

I've said it before, as horrible as it sounds, I feel nothing towards them. We never had a "normal family dynamic."

It was not the way I wanted to end 2024, but I am happy to be starting 2025 on a clean slate.

I know, deep down, I have made the right decision to walk away. I have worked very hard figuring out who I am these last couple of years, and the people who have helped me the most (besides my husband) have been my found family because my real family has never been there.

It's okay to walk away. It's okay to look out for yourself. You do not need to stay in a situation that only hurts you. You do not need to surround yourself with people you have nothing in common with, just because you are family.

It's okay to walk away.